The Underground Conservative
Can I write for the MSM?
This incredibly ridiculous La-La Land Times editorial (choice quote: “For [Hitlery] Clinton, the [presidential campaign] trouble is not emotion but, perversely, President Bush”) inspired me to post something here I’d posted before on a political message board. Namely, a satirical news story:
New Bush Administration Discovery Results In Lost Jobs For Medical Professionals
- 1,000s of doctors, nurses, medical techs and lab workers to be unemployed as a Bush initiative kills a major national industry -
BY IMA BUSHHATER
Washington — (Anti-Bush Press) A new discovery by the Bush administration will result in the end of one of the country’s largest industries, as well as a loss of thousands of medical research jobs, according to a prominent medical expert. Animal rights activists are also concerned as thousands of rats and other animals used in laboratory experiments face an uncertain fate.
“This is tragic–researchers, scientists, lab technicians, lots of good people are going to be put out of work due to Bush’s actions,” said an exasperated Lefty Anger, M.D., Director of the Leftist Institute of Medical Professionals (LIMP). “How will these folks pay their mortgages or feed their families?”
“Oh dear, what are they going to do about all the lab rats and mice they use, just kill them?” asked a surprised I. M. Alibidiot, President of Humans, Animals, They’re Equals (HATE).
The new Bush discovery, a pill that cures all forms of cancer and AIDs, potentially saving some human lives maybe kinda sorta, threatens to put an end to a once-thriving medical-research industry that pumped billions of dollars a year into the nation’s economy. Some economists are saying this could spell disaster, possibly even leading to recession–or worse.
“Bush’s new pill is a poison pill for the economy,” said Joe V. Stallings, chief economist for the Marx-Engels Statistical Society (MESS).
A Bush administration spokesman who was reached as he was asleep because he wasn’t called until five minutes before deadline said, “We… …hope… …millions of Americans… …suffer.”
Cancer patients contacted shortly after hospital visiting hours were over did not return calls requesting comment for this story.
“This is going to be as bad as the Great Depression,” Stallings said. “Bush and the drug companies will get rich off the backs of these hard-working, decent people. It is a travesty of justice.”
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